Colossians 4:2 Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful

Levi's adoption update for today:

Still no court date :(  But there had kinda been a case of lost in translation for a bit there with his country. But...Yay! Finally, progress again; And progress in this Eastern European country is a good thing. =D

(♥ U LEVI)

Philippians 1:3 I thank my God upon every remembrance of you..

Today...would be his birthday ♥

Today he would be turning 70. That amazes me..It just sounds so old, doesn't it? I honestly can't picture him old. I kinda like my memory of him being lively and fun. I still have the birthday cards my brother and I gave him on his 46th birthday back then. I wish I knew our time left together would be so short.
A long 24 years ago, on May 28th, 1988 I was 16. I remember giving my dad his cards and his gifts that we got him from Gemco, but nothing else about the day is engraved in my memory. :(
  From the time I was 6 it was pretty much the 3 of us. My dad, my little brother and I. For the next 10 years it was that way.
Today marks the beginning of the last 17 days he lived.
It marks the last 17 days life was what it was supposed to be for us.
The last 17 days of living in our childhood home, of family dinners watching Bill Cosby on Thursday nights, of weekend get aways to Laguna Beach and spur of the moments hikes in the San Gabriel mountains. The last days of being at church all day long on Sundays and early to church on Wednesdays. The last of making him his cup of Postum cause he no longer drank coffee at home & of hearing his silly jokes that he always thought were funny.

Me, Brother and Dad..June 1988 after a day spent at Laguna Bch.

It marks the last of hearing his loud carring voice singing during worship time and the last of matching his socks cause he was colored blind.
I guess in a real way it was kinda the last 17 days of our childhood years~cause when your a kid and you loose a parent you grow up all the sudden and your views of life are never really quit from a child's stand point anymore. It was the first of ever feeling this deep hurt that all these years later takes me right back to the last day of those 17 days. It was the last 17 days before what seemed like the end, but was really a beginning. Life was about to take my little brother & I & shake us violently as it introduced us to death. I wish I knew those days were our last.
Some days, I wish with all my heart that I could go back to those days. Life was so different and so...simple and good.
Shaken...
It was Tuesday, June 14th the day my dad passed. He'd only been 46 for 17 short days. That day is a whole different story that I remember very well and will keep to myself for a bit longer.
I learned that day, that year what Flag day was and that it lands on June 14th every year. I learned that night that I didn't find comfort in anyone like I had found in my dad. I learned that I loved my little brother in a very real and deep way that I didn't know I had before that night. I learned about wanting to protect someone you love from hurting like you are..but can't. I learned about regrets & about "if only's". I learned that life can be cruel and to short & that you can hurt immensely, but still smile. I learned that I had been given a gift by having a dad who loved us enough to not care if he was thought of as the bad guy for not giving in to our demands. I learned I had been really lucky to have the dad I did..even for the short time I had him. His life shaped mine in far more ways then I think he as a parent knew it was doing.
Settling down...
My faith in God wasn't one that belonged to me yet when I was 16. It was one that I relied on my dad for. Over the course of the next few years of my life God became further and further from who my faith was put into. I looked to a boyfriend, to friends, sometimes to too many drinks and once in a while I'd remember God was there when I was invited to church. It wasn't until I was 25 that realized God had always been there waiting for me to put my faith in Him. The example of a life lived trusting in God was one I had in my dad. He wasn't a perfect man by any means. But he was a guy who loved the Lord and really wanted to pass that love on to us...and he did.

My dad's life and the impact of it on me still to this day as a 40 year old women says so much to me about who I am as a parent and about what I'm giving to my kids. We pass on all kinds of stuff.. good and bad. But if I had 17 days left from today..I wonder what kind of impact I've been making on my kiddo's hearts? I think I've done a pretty good job, but i'm not always positive about what my life says to them. What life impacting things am I leaving with them? Makes me think, you know? As much as I hate that he's not been here for so long now, I know I wouldn't be me without that hurtful part of my life happening and the missing him I do. My biggest sadness of his passing is my children not having the chance to have know him. :(  I think one of the best things I've learned is to be more purposeful in making sure my kids know I love them no matter what, no matter why..
 Dad..Happy Birthday, I love you (& miss u)..TONS. ♥
Xoxox, Honey.

Proverbs 15:30a..Good news gives health to the bones.

Got good news today :) Not a court date...but progress & that's always a good thing..:P

(♥ U Levi)

Psalm 10:17 O Lord, you hear the desire of the afflicted; you will strengthen their heart; you will incline your ear

"Many orphanages were unable to provide adequate food, clothing, education, medical care, and facilities often lacked heat, water, and electricity... By year’s end the government had closed 10 of 20 large-size orphanages, and 144 children were reintegrated with biological families, 81 placed in foster care, and 200 placed in small group homes."
This is taken from the Country Report On Human Rights for the 2011 year from Little Mister's country. :( So sad to be so over loaded with children without homes that they can't even be cared for. This is true for not just Levi's country, but for many of the EE countries. The children live such hard lives.
Like just about everything in life..before adoption was something that was personally effecting our lives we weren't as involved with really, really wanting to know or knowing about the many children and their needs. Today though, we're aware of how many there are and the sad reality of what their lives are like. It's estimated that around 147 MILLION children are orphans throughout the world. That's an astounding heart-breaking amount.

Studies show that girls are more likely to be adopted then boys. That from newborn to 3 year olds are the ones with the highest chance. That white, blond haired are the preferred, and that children with disabilities are way down on the totem pole. Add to that being a boy, over age 3 and not white with blond hair and this little one's chances of ever finding a family are almost non existent.
Before adoption though, there was Down Syndrome. Another world we weren't involved in until it was effecting our lives. Thankfully what we've learned about both are that they are blessings in disguise. Neither is as scary as one might think or assume. Both are soul jerking joys that force you to re-examine yourself. Both are rewarding and both come at a price. They cost sleepless nights, heart-ache, money, worry, sacrifice, humility, and more..
oh, wait...just having kids in general cost all the above. :]
So my point?
Neither adoption or Down Syndrome are going to cost you anymore then what you already have if your already a parent. Not by much anyway. They'll only grow you more..and only in a positive way.
More joy, love, extra arms around your neck, kisses on your checks and laughter added to your home..so well worth it.♥
Sooooo, let me tell you about Kyle.
I've became Kyle's prayer warrior in 2009.
That's when I met this little boys profile picture on RR. He's in Bulgaria (one of the cheapest and easiest countries to adopt from by the way :) He was transferred to an institution in 2011. I can't imagine what his life is like now. I've seen the most horrific video's of children in the institutions. They aren't a home, they don't provide warmth, nutritious food, or most times even adequate clothing let alone loving arms to sink into. Since being apart of the sn adoption community I've seen so many children come home in such heartbreaking, poor condition. I think Katie's story for me has been one of the most impactful. She's one of the cutest little 9 years old I've ever seen. She has DS and came home at 10 lbs. after living in an institution for years..

 She's been home for 6 months now and is at 27 :) She's just now learning how to eat food via her mouth. Can you imagine?? For so long she had a bottle with a large opening in the nipple put in her mouth and had her 1 meal a day poured down her throat. :(  Bless her heart..Isn't she stunning ♥

4 year old Kyle

Okay..back to Kyle..I remember reading his profile when I asked for more info. on him and it actually made me smile. His character shined though as tidbits of information about him was given. I read about this little boy who liked to ride in a little car around his baby house. How he loved to watch TV (wonder of wonders, right? :D) and would drive his car into the room and just sit in it while watching a show. I remember seeing this picture and thinking about how small he was. You can't see it here, but he's standing in front of what looks like a dinning room chair and he's so tiny. I know this pic isn't a great one. But you don't know how many pictures I've taken of Eli or Isaac where they just aren't looking like their cute selves..but in real life-their just dolls. :)
And then I remember this one; This picture that tore my heart out as I was now looking at a little boy of 7. To be 7 and never have known what family life is..how sad.

I remember when the in big RED LETTERS THE WORDS:

TRANSFER SOON

were next to his name.

Worse..I clearly remember the sinking feeling I felt the day I read:

 KYLE HAS ALREADY BEEN TRANSFERRED TO A MENTAL INSTITUTION.

Kyle just turned 8 this past March.

I would so love to see him be adopted. I know he'd be a blessing to a family. If you have any questions about him you can contact Andrea at RR via his profile page.

If you want..he's got alot of love being shown for him right now from alot of RR families who are fighting to raise his adoption grant fund on fb. You can join the fight for him by clicking the fb link. By raising his grant fund he has a higher chance of a family being willing to adopt him. Right now his grant is at $2,600. If your feeling genorous you can be apart of helping him. We're praying it'll rise quickly and a family will come forward. :)

Okay, I gotta get lunch on the table. Hope you all have a great holiday week-end. Blessings, Me.

Proverbs 15:13a A glad heart makes a cheerful face..

Isaac's and Ezekiel's Smiles~iPad style :)

(♥ U Levi)

Exodus 12:31-32 Pharaoh called in Moses and Aaron that very night and said, "Get out of here and be done with you—you and your Israelites! Go worship God on your own terms. And yes, take your sheep and cattle as you've insisted, but go. And bless me."

Exodus 10:1 "Now the Lord said to Moses, “Go in to Pharaoh that I may show these signs of Mine before him, and that you may tell in the hearing of your son and your son’s son the mighty things I have done in Egypt, and My signs which I have done among them, that you may know that I am the Lord.”

This morning we finished up our in depth study of the 10 plagues in Egypt. All I can say is Wow! God was a strong force here in our home studding that. We saw His Might, His power, His love, His justice and His wrath all in one. He is God Almighty and no one stands in the way of His will. We studied the different interpretations of the plagues from the biblical stance to the naturalistic stance (the view of these plagues happening due to nature & as a result of the plagues before it) But there's a problem when one comes to the last plague in the naturalistic view. The death of the first born to all men and beasts just can't be explained ecologically. It is a mystery. Its only explanation can be that of a supernatural force. So..at the climax of the plagues this interpretation collapses without any explanation for the deaths or the salvation of the Israelites through blood sprinkled on the doorposts. I love it! How awesome is God?! I love my kids asking questions & us gaining a better understanding of God's character together. I always want my children to serve the Lord..but not cause we do..I want them to because they know WHY they do.
(*Just an interesting fact: Did you know that based on bible info. and an ancient source known as the Sphinx Stele (a record of Egypt's history) Amenhotep II seems to be the most likely candidate for the exodus-pharaoh and he was only 26 when the exodus took place. Based on these facts they place the age of his first born son to have been between 3 -7..but no more then 9. Just thought I'd share :) I thought it interesting) 
Anyway..after our study I went online to check our emails (of course) and got excited to see an "Update" from our agency. Not surprised to read it wasn't anything positive though. :(  Without going into detail it was a disappointing email that said alot about the lack of structure within Levi's country. The good news is that after our study this morning that email wasn't daunting to me in the least bit. So calls are being made, authorities are being contacted and more paperwork is being requested. This all looks so bleak really..
but I'm sure the Israelis thought the same thing as over and over again Pharaoh refused to let them go. God is mighty and strong, awesome in power and will be glorified. No doubt. We praise Him who is in control and trust His perfect will.
Thank You Lord for being my stronghold. ♥
Off to do some praying, praising, laundry, dishes and vacuuming. I'll let the kids do the rest :D
Blessings! Me

(♥ U Little Mister!)

Nehemia 8:10 This day is sacred to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.

This was made on Levi's 5th b-day ♥ Today it's been just about 4 years since we started this journey..Happy 7th Birthday Little Mister. We LOVE you...tons!
We've learned so much, grown so much as a family and in our faith. We count it a blessing to know your out there and an honor to be able to pray for you. We know God has a beautiful plan for your life and it's already started.
He's already used you in such big ways in our home..Oh Little Mister..
We just love you so much! We can't wait to meet you, squeeze you, feed you, put you to bed, read to you, sit on the couch and snuggle, make you laugh and just have you here...all the time :) It's 8:30 at night where you are so your day is done. We hope it was a really great day. We hope you were celebrated and had loads of fun. And we hope that when this time comes around again next year...that we won't be posting this tribute to you :) But pictures of you home with us ♥  Love you so much..xoxox, Mama, Papa, Ayla, Rubee, Ezekiel, Naomi, Isaac and Eli...Your waiting (not so patiently) forever here for you family.
(to turn off my blog music just scroll down to my Playlist & hit pause :)

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Matthew 14:31 Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?”

He'll be 7 tomorrow.

Rubee's beautiful hands ♥

Monday, March 2, 2009's blog post:
"..Robin emailed us today:
'A light at the end of the tunnel..would you remotely be interested in still adopting Nikoloz? '
When (we got this email) Nika's adoption (had) stopped a few months ago. I told Robin how confident I felt that God was still going to bring Nika home..but it was going to be later. I wonder..is this later? Robin was supposed to call us tonight to talk things over about it with us, but she had her hands full with a sick husband and the time just wasn't right. Planning on chatting tomorrow. I'll let you know what we learn :)"  *You can read the rest of the post here.

 Levi 2009 ♥

 God gave my grieving heart this crazy reassurance when Levi's adoption process was stopped the first time. He gave this supernatural confidence in the fact that this little guy was going to be a part of our family..but it wouldn't be now (meaning back then in 2009). The email above came to us after the adoption had been stopped for about 3 months. Back then Isaac was just a picture of a little boy named Vincent in Ukraine on RR. He was about to be transferred to an adult mental institution with his up coming 5th birthday cause he had Down Syndrome. We were in the process of being blessed with Isaac's adoption when that email came. Thank the Lord for His mercies and mysterious ways. Without them, Isaac wouldn't be Isaac and his life today would be a whole lot darker.

Meeting Isaac ♥

Today is May 18th, 2012 and we've been waiting on a court date for what seems like forever now. We don't have any news except that their are changes taking place within the structure of the office that has the power to issue the court date. When things are in place, we'll be heading over. We're hoping for sooner vs. later, but we're trusting in God's time.

It's so easy to start doubting the fact that He's in control when things just don't seem to be going our way. Those storms in life that obscure our vision and cause us to look away from the One who gives us safety..I hate them. But they grow us. The story of Peter and Jesus on the water is one of my all time fav's cause I totally know He'd be reaching out for me if I were with Him that day on the water.  ;( 

Lord, thank You for hanging onto our little Mister till we're all together. Bless his day tomorrow in a mighty way. ♥
Tomorrow we'll be celebrating you again sweetness...way over here, but with a love that goes right to where you are. Love you..So much.

(♥ U Levi)

Lamentations 3:22-23 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

Their showing me love ♥
Love is being texted by your daughter from upstairs..on almost a daily basis
with "Good morning Mama! It's going to be good day!  @---^--
Luv, Rubee."
Or being texted while your out at homeschool meetings or DS support/info nights & the gang is going to bed with Papa putting them down..& I'm missed; Even though they are with me 24/7. "Where are you Mama? How are you? Are you coming home soon? I love you. Call us, K? Luv, Ayla"
Love is being texted just because.."I love you mama. Naomi"
Or "What are you doing, baby? Dinner was good last night, thank you. I love you."
I think I'm going to like having text messaging on my phone now :D
I'm so lucky God gave them to me. ♥

(♥ U Levi)

Ezekiel 16:44 'Everyone who quotes proverbs will quote this one about you: "Like mother like daughter."' *NIV

My Sweet little lady..my Mama, my Ma.
You with your laugh, your smile that I love to see.
You with your notes that would start my days
and everyone of those precious notes that I've saved
You with your phone calls to cheer me up
You with your funny jokes to make me laugh
You with your love that you've shown me through and though
You who I love more then you will ever really be able to know how much I do...
My Sweet little lady..my Mama, my Ma,
No ones like you. You're one of the best.
So thank you Mama for all that you've done for me
For every time you've put up with me.
For all the heartaches you've endured
For loving me like no one else does.
Thank you Mama for being mine
What would I do with out you??
Thank you for showing me how much you care
For still and always just being there
For all the great cups of joe, the best spaghetti I'll ever know,
for all the Mmmmm pork stew that no one will ever be able to make like you..
My Sweet little lady..my Mama, My Ma
Gosh Mom...I just love you so much...
Happy Mom's Day ♥

Proverbs 31:2 Her children rise up and call her blessed

Imagine bushes in front of the windows, no bbq, no air in the window & it painted an olive green..that's what it looked like when it was home.

Growing up our home was situated on long drive way. The front home was our landlord's, ours was the middle and the Radcliffe family was in the back. We shared the yards, the trees, and that driveway :)
"Mama, your like their Marylou", Ayla said...
When I was younger there was a mom of 5 who lived in that house behind ours. She was kind, gentle, a homemaker through and through who built a garden where you wouldn't think one could be built and baked wonderful goods. I loved to be in her home. Her home felt, hemmm, homey; Warm and welcoming. My mom & dad divorced when I was 6. I was raised with my dad and my little brother. To say that I missed having my mom in our home is an understatement. But she lived far from us and it wasn't easy to be able to spend all the time that we wanted to with eachother. I missed her everyday & I think that's what made being at Marylou's even more meaningful for me. We moved in front of their home when I was 7. I have no doubt that our home being in front of theirs was all a part of Gods plan for us. I was the oldest of all the kids and then came my little brother and her 2 sons. I grew up playing with all the boys. I was a total tom-boy and still am at heart. Her daughter was born when I was 10. Then came 2 more boys. By then I was in my teen years though and had become the baby-sitter for Marylou :) My dad, being a single parent, relied a great deal on Marylou's help in watching my brother and I after school hours. Nothing formal was ever set up. She just kept an eye on us out of the goodness of her heart and cause she was a mom I guess. She was always one to open her home up to us. I think we spent almost as much time with her family as we did at home. Her husband worked late hours like my dad so we all kinda became a family in and of itself. She was a huge impact in my life. I always admired her and loved her for being such a warm person. Marylou and her family moved when I was 14. I felt so lost when they moved. The Radcliffe family had become such a large part of our lives and Marylou..Marylou was everything I wished I had in my home. When she was gone my heart was broken. In 2009 my brother and I found her oldest son on fb :D
He came out to Ca. and met with us at my brothers home for a great dinner prepared by my wonderful sister-in-law. We had the best time going through old photo albums and revisiting our past. I got to hear all about Marylou and how she's still that same warm woman that I remembered. I got her address and sent her a letter. It meant the world to me that she had done all that she did for us. Even more was simply who she was. Who she was was an example of a godly women, a godly wife and a godly mom. I've never forgotten the hugs she gave me, the girl talks, the love she showed in small things like teaching me how to bake and when was the right time to pick zucchini. Amazing how those things meant so incredibly much to me.
We've lived in our home for almost 10 years now and no children were ever around. Our kids missed having friends close by. But for the last 2 years families have been moving in around us. We have kids in both the homes next to us and in back of us now. It's been so awesome having these children at our home almost on a daily basis once school lets out. The chaos of them all running in & out of our home, the loud voices, the laughing. I love it. Two of the kids are only children. They love being at our home.
The other three are 2 brothers and a little sister that come from a hard background and are living with their grandparents now. They love being at our home too. Sometimes it's hard to get them to leave :) Their all about our kids ages and they all come from broken families. Emily is 7 and is Naomi's best friend. She's at our house 3-4 days out of the week after school and goes to church with us on Wednesday nights now that we have our van. :)  Matthew is one of Ezekiel's best friends along with Maliqe and Alex. Their little sister Heaven is like velcro to Rubee ♥. They're at our home 4-5 days during the week and all go with us to church on Wednesdays too. Usually 2 or 3 weekends out of the month we have kids at our home spending the night, having dinner with us, going to the movies with us..Having our van has been a blessing in this area. :D Some of the kids call me Mrs. Alysha, some call me Mom. They all give & get hugs from me, ask me for advice, and enjoy being apart of our family. I hope someday when they grow up they'll be able to look back on our family and on me and have as fond memories I know my brother and I have of the Radcliffe family and of Marylou and who she was in our life. ♥
It's weird, you know~no matter how much your parents believe they don't belong together anymore..it's just not something that makes sense when your a kid. My mom and dad were like night and day in personality. But to me..they still were supposed to go together and I don't remember when that desire of us all being a family went away. I don't think it ever did. Looking back as an adult I understand and know it really, really wouldn't of been good in our home, but I still wanted it ;)
Kids want families. Whole families. They enjoy hanging out, eating meals, playing games, or even just watching tv or a movie in family settings. I had a really great home life. Growing up in a single parent home wasn't bad. But it didn't stop me from wanting and liking being in a famiy setting. It breaks my heart that so many children miss out on it :( But maybe, that's why God makes Marylou's :D

(♥ u Levi)

Psalm 5:3 In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.

Got an e-mail yesterday.
Meetings are being held.
In 9 days he'll be 7. Wow.
 Last night I was talking to my Ayla and she said.."Don't give up on meeting him before his 7th b-day mom; They could always email tomorrow with a really close court date!" :) Love her so much ♥
Gonna take a little needed va-ca from the online world. Excecpt for checking e-mails of course :D 

Little Mister..Cute as can be (4 years old)

Talk to ya all soon, Me.


(♥ U Levi..)

Luke 6:31 And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.

Oh, what a Russian Prince he is!

And anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf is welcoming me.

Matthew 18:5

Little 5 year old Alexander. Sociable and affectionate. Beautiful eyes. Looking so much like my Isaac it's a little eerie.

In you the orphan finds mercy.

Hosea 14:3

How does one explain how much positive comes into your life by loving and caring on someone elses child as your own does?
One man gives freely, yet gains even more..
Proverbs 11:24
My god, the things you learn about yourself! The stretching your faith does alone is well worth it.
Be assured and understand that the trial and proving of your faith bring out endurance and steadfastness and patience. 
James 1:3
But I think the impact that has been the deepest is this understanding you get of what us being adopted into His family really means. Being adopted is different then being born into a family..Adoption is being chosen. Chosen even if you have imperfections. Chosen even if you don't come from a great gene-pool. Chosen even though the knowledge of having an extra mouth to feed means sacrafice from your own life. Chosen. What a really beautiful word.
But we received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, "Abba, Father."

Romans 8:16

What a really beautiful thing~

To know I was chosen ♥..

What a awe inspiring thought really. I'm a nobody..no one special, no one of real worth. At least not to a majority of the world. But to Him..I was worth it.

So this is Alexander..

I fell in love with this little guy the first time I saw him. His little overalls, his sad eyes that I can just imagine lighting up like Christmas when he smiles. I think of the vulnerability of our Isaac the first time we met him. The way he didn't want to be held, or comforted when he got hurt. He acted so tough..like he didn't need anyone. Only, it only took him all of a couple of days to realize he liked being chosen. Being the one we came to see on purpose. Being the one who got the privilege of spending time outside with us when none of the other children did. I look at this little boy and that's what I see. This little guy who just wants to be chosen, but doesn't even know it yet. I've been praying for him for so long now and my heart just breaks for him. Gosh..there are SO many children..I just don't understand it.
So this is Alexander..He needs someone. And might not even know it but he wants to be chosen. You can click on the link under his name to find out more about him. Who wouldn't want a handsome Russian prince like him to grace their home? ;)

http://reecesrainbow.org/573/alexander-i

Alexander I.

Date of Birth: August 2006
Gender: Male Eyes: Gray Hair: brown Character: Sociable, affectionate
Diagnosis: Down syndrome 
This munchkin is SO cute. So happy to have a new photo of him, look at those amazing hazel eyes! Healthy and doing very well. He is described as social and affectionate, and will make a wonderful son! He was born with supplemental chord of the left ventricle. SINGLE MOMS WELCOME!

(♥ U Levi)

Psalm 118:24 This is the day that the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.

Can't find my camera USB :( No new pictures to be able to download, but going to Costco to print some of them off today :) I can't remember the last time I printed em' off. Such a shame really. I have tons~like easily well over 4,000 ; /..Yikes!~ Dating all the way back to our adoption of Isaac in 09..all these great pictures just sitting waiting to be printed, hung someplace in my home. Okay..add that to my list of 'Someday I'm gonna...' :P Our livingroom is done and we all LOVE the color- It's so invigorating and warm, simply the best color we've had in our home yet for sure.
Today we're starting with taking it up the stair well and into the upstairs hallway. :) I can't wait :)  (I'll show it to you as soon as the USB cable shows up)
But first...we're heading to the park for our morning walk about together, our devotion time, study of History and some energy burning play. With the warmer season here we just starting doing this each morning to start our days. It's only week 2, but It's been great :)  Especially for my live wire boys who always need to be on the move. Just being outside is great. Feeling the warmth of the sun, watching my boys get in some O.T climbing on anything and everything..I know I already said it, but..It's great. :D
 I love being able to do this...You know, just being able to hang out with my kids all day and going where we want to, doing what we want with no limitations on where education takes place. It's simply thee best! After all..there is never a place an education can't take place :D And my kids actually like hanging out together too..Such a blessing, really it is.

 So for now, gotta suck it all in while I can. Cause I just know before I know it, they'll be gone and I'll be the mom whose going to their homes all the time, lol. Okay, We're off. Thanks Lord for Your kindness and giving us such a beautiful day to go bask in.

(♥ U Levi)

Exodus 14:14 The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.

"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him." Psalm 62:5
Find rest..
Looking..Searching;
Anxiety rises up like a tidal wave to wash me away.
Find rest.
My hope comes from Him, from Him alone.
O my soul..
in God alone is where your rest will be found.
Remembering this, grasping it..Repeating it over and over so it's ingrained in my mind to repeat over and over again in a little while.
When I'm reading those words of promise, looking only at Him, that's when I feel rested. But then the dishes needed to be done, time to sweep the kitchen floor and fold the load of whites done this morning. My mind starts wandering. Drifting into places of doubt and of the whys? Deep sighing with a heavy heart.
Boy, I'll be glad when this is all done!
Can't wait to type of the joy my heart will be leaping about with!
With just typing that I feel renewed in the joy of the Lord :D Isn't that what His Word says?...The joy of the Lord is my strength! Nehemiah 8:10
Happy Friday all!
Little Mister while you sleep through the night on the other side of the world your being thought of, loved from afar and wished for. {{{Squeezing you tight! ♥}}}

(♥ U Little Mister)

Psalm 19:1 The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands.

I have these "artsy fartsy" kids, as Ayla likes to call herself. They draw...all the time! Ayla and Rubee start their first art class tomorrow as a matter of fact. :) I thought since it's something they genuinely love to do and their actually really naturally good at it, why not foster it. ♥ They express themselves in their art work all the time too. It could be showing excitement, fear, worry, joy. Most times it's how I get a glimpse into their mind without them saying anything to me.I have boxes, literally boxes full of their art work stored. Just got two more 'Portfolio' art books from Hobby Lobby to put their works in :) Today Naomi (8) drew me this picture. She said "it expresses being sad~It's Pocahontas when John Smith left." How I love my Naomi. Just wanted to share her work of art for the day. Now to go do some poking around to find out what prompted the sad picture ;)

Psalm 56:3 When I am afraid, I will put my trust in Thee.

Today..Today I'm letting go and it's going to be okay.

When I was a little girl we used to sing the verse/song that's the title of this post in church. I would sing it at night when I'd wake up scared. I still like to sing it ♫...

"Today, courage and strength have replaced love and desire as the most important characteristics for people who take on the international adoption process. Unfortunately for many prospective parents the expected 18- to 24-month adoption process has turned into a maddening and unnecessary four or five year ordeal. Every day they wait, their son or daughter loses another critical day of physical and social development."

You can read the rest of the article here.

Taking in a deep breath I woke up this morning realizing

April left without a court date. *tears.

~"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope." Romans 15:13~

I'm trying..I'm really, really trying not to be anxious about it. Some days it's not so bad when the waiting doesn't have time to weigh on my mind as heavily. I know he's being held. I know God holds him. I know it...but I wish we were. I distinctly remember the first time I saw his picture. Our little boy. Weird, right? That that's how it felt looking at him then..but that's how it still feels today too. We look at his pic and we don't see just some little boy that we know needs a family, we see our little boy; and it's killing us knowing he's growing up without us & us without him.  :(

I've asked and asked.."Lord, are You really in this with us?"..What if it's just like people said? You know, those nay-sayers who shook their finger at us way back when, who said "Lysh..this is just all you. God's not telling you to move forward again..your just moving and your husband is moving with you out of love. Hasn't God closed those doors over and over but you just keep on pushing them open..." Is that even possible?

Ugh..I shudder the thought. =/

~"Behold, I have set before you an open door, and no man can shut it.." Rev.3:8~ I like to see it as man trying to shut those doors, but Almighty holding them open over and over as man trys to shut them.

 Sometimes though, I do wonder. Not gonna lie. Not gonna pretend my faith is steadfast all the time. Mat says I shouldn't ever question it. He's a man a few words, so a lot of people tend to assume that means he doesn't take action or make the choices in our home. But trust me..he does. He says "This is our son." He says he knows it and no matter what anyone says, we're to keep on fighting for him until there is no way we can any longer. I'm all for the fight. We know If we give up on him it's really unlikely any one will ever fight for him again. :( How my heart breaks with that thought. My faith wavers though and I find myself asking "Lord, when?..If I was a better person? Would it make it better? What if we made it to church every Sunday without fail? What if I never, ever lost my cool? What if I was always, 100% of the time, who I'm supposed to be in You? What if then, Lord?...Would those things make it better? Would he be home then Lord? Would he?"

I know these are all lies. Wicked, ugly, horrible, really intimidating lies that unfortunately get to me and hang around me for way to long. They make me feel inferior. Break my heart. Reduce me to tears. Thank God for grace. Thank God for His grace that washes over me. I literally wouldn't be able to do this without it. My husbands stronger. Or at least he pretends to be for my sake and it seems to work :). He calls every morning from work about the same time and asks "Did we get an email today?" I think he calls now already anticipating the answer he's come to know to well and has heard way to many times. Today is a new day though. Today is the beginning of newness. A new month (Nika's birth month) and a new outlook. I Refuse to be intimidated by those lies anymore. I will put my trust in Lord. He's completely in control. I'm handing over this anxiousness. I'm making a deal with myself not to hound our agency for answers that they wish they had for us, but simply don't. Today, starting now, I'm not going to scour the Internet in hopes of finding some type of answer to why this wait is here. I never end up finding any answers anyway. I'm not going to lie. I'm afraid. I'm afraid of this not coming to pass the way I want it too. But..Your will be done and I'm just going to trust. Maybe..just maybe, I'll have good news when my husband calls tomorrow. ♥ Good night anxiety, good night lies, good night all you out there. And you my little Mister..good morning my love. Mama loves you.

(♥ U Levi)