A pictures worth a 1,000 words

Naomi...lovin' life, sharing her muffin with brother when along comes her "bother"...

She's pretty creative with her names for them.."Thing 1 & Thing 2" from Dr. Suess is her most used :D, "little bothers" from the Olivia series is her other one & "stinkers" is pretty common too.
So anyway...I love this pictures :P
Pretty typical of Isaac to come join in on where the attention is going :D

Levi's 5th..:) 5/19/10 at OneTrueMedia.com

today we're thinking of our boy..we love him so much & pray it's Gods will for him to someday be home with us...Until then..

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

THE CHILDREN...ALL THE LITTLE CHILDREN...

"He is Father to the fatherless..."

"Hope for the hopeless.."

"Friend to the friendless..."

"He knows my name.."

"I am not forgotten.." (Hillsong)
(*Isaac pushing the stroller in the back ground)

(*that's our Isaac over on the right in a red shirt & blue shorts..)

Being honest...

I don't visit RR quite as often as I used to. I still visit the site pretty often, but nothing like I did before bringing Isaac home. It's really hard to see the faces of all the children & I end up feeling so very helpless. I hate the way it makes me feel. I do often look at these pictures~pictures of the children left behind in Isaac's orphanage. Children I've seen with my own eyes..children I've got to touch, to talk to..(be it very little since Russian isn't my native tongue)

Children grouped together...left behind & not even noticed.

Children packed into strollers that are meant to hold one, but now need to hold two or three because there are so many of them & not enough strollers.

Children that don't ever get held or talked to tenderly. Their children that so many pretend don't exist because then they might feel the same discomfort I feel in knowing this is a reality for so many little one's.

Oh, how selfish I sound. I want to go back & take it out...out of shame...but then I wouldn't be being honest. To not visit the RR site because it causes me discomfort. How wrong. To not want to see the faces of the children, did I really just say that?!...because I do want to!~ I want to always remember that this is real, they're real..the life they live is real, the lack of homes for them is real, the fact that they're forced to comfort themselves by rocking themselves to sleep is real..that they don't cry when they get hurt because there's no one to sooth them is real....
Some of the children on RR are the same one's that I've seen listed for years now..literally years. I've seen some of them start with baby pictures & then a family adopts someone else from the orphanage their in & we get to see updated pictures. I cringe at the thought that more of them will never be adopted then are adopted at all.

More then too many will never know what it means to have a family..They'll never know that they're valuable or of their true worthiness. Because they'll never have anyone to let them know it. They've learned not to cry, because no one responds. They've learned not to reach out, because no one is there to to reach back for them. I remember my Isaac & his being confused by our hugs, by our wanting to hold him..I remember the eeriness of how quite the orphanage is. I remember expecting to hear lots of crys, lots of voices..but I didn't. It was a heavy quietness, one that takes your breath away. The children would stop & stare at us when we'd see them. Sometimes they'd bat their eyes, wave their arms...like "hey, won't you see me too.."

If you scroll back up to the first little boy in the blue hat you'll see Misha...He was the oldest boy in Isaac's group. Most of these pictures were taken on July 17th..the day after court. On this day, we got to see Isaac interacting with his groupa for the first time. We'd seen his groupa often on their walk abouts & Misha was the little guy who always made a point of waving to us & if his hands were full holding onto other children, he'd make a point to make eye contact & flash his beautiful smile. If you scroll back thru the pictures again up above you'll be able see him & all his charm. I think of him alot now days. I'm sure by now he's been transferred to the older children's home. If he's never adopted he'll be put on the streets when he's 16 & most likely live a life of crime, drugs & homelessness forever with all the other forgotten children. I see people drive by with their bumper stickers to "save the animals"..But what about all the children? Typical & disabled alike..they all need homes & there are SO many of them. It shames me that adoption isn't something we see more of in the body of Christ. Weren't we ourselves adopted out of our life's of misery? Weren't we ourselves adopted into a family like we'd never known? Didn't God see us in our dispare & reach out with His loving arms to cradle us~Wasn't it then that we realized our worthiness? That we have purpose? That we're of value..doesn't He now call us His own? How can we see the need & choose not to respond? How can so many turn away like it has no bearing at all on them. How can we as Christians not do more...?
I cry when I remember my Isaac & who he used to be..No lie, it tares my heart to pieces :(
It's almost been a year that he's been home & I swear it's like he's been apart of us forever. I could never imagine life without my son again. I remember the list of character facts that I made of Isaac last July while we were in Ukraine getting to know him & I'm amazed at how different he is. He didn't let us hold him then. I remember one day when he had fallen & I ran to help him up..I clearly remember his little hand as he held it out motioning me to stop & the look in his eyes of pure confusion & even a little fear. Do you know that it only took Isaac a second to realize he loves being loved? And let me tell you..He's one loved monster of mine!

The verse you'll find on the RR site is from Prov. 24:12...."Once our eyes have been opened, we can't pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts & keeps our souls, knows that we know & holds us responsible to act." That's so heavy!!!!! So if your reading this know that without a doubt God is calling you to act...because now, you know.

My beautiful Levi...I ♥ U so. Praying God opens those doors for you to be home someday real soon.

School Days, IEP's & all the emtional stuff inbetween..

Public School...It's a touchy subject for this homeschooling mom. But none the less, I've come to accept that right now my little guys benefit from their class. And at home my older little's benefit from the quite mom time it offers for them to concentrate on their own school work. It really has worked out for the best in our home. Bbuuut...It's not to say that every thing's all fine & dandy in the world of public school.

Isaac with their teacher Mrs. S..
Look how tiny he is compared to the other 5 year olds :) If someones not holding his hand at all times he'll be gone in a heart beat & boy can my guy move fast! :)

Little Eli. He's the youngest in his class at 3 1/2 & is the cat's meow to all the little kids in his class. Eli's used to being the baby & nothings changed at school :)

Our Isaac waiting for the gate to be opened...it's time to come home ♥

Hugs good-bye..

& hugs hello :)

Their only at school for 3 1/2 hours & while it's nice to have the quite time, their both really missed. Everyday the enthusiasm when were all back together is the same. I love it :)

Sooo...they love school ♥

Their teacher is really great with them & has been willing to hear me out with all my concerns & desires for my boys. I hope that doesn't change. Isaac is 18 months older then Eli & the age difference is apparent in their accomplishments. I requested that for now, they stay together. I know soon Isaac will be needing to be in a classroom that will better suit his needs. I'm praying about the decision to mainstream them into a general ed classroom or not. I've heard both pros & con's to it. I guess I'll make that decision when that bridge is in front of me to cross.

We had their first IEP meeting (Individualized Education Program) back in Jan. I was in tears (literally) as I sat & listened to this group of people who don't know my sons describe them as

"mentally retarded" & "severely delayed" in all spectrum's. I listened to them tell me what they think my son's will need to be able to be "productive" in life & kept my mouth closed while all the while screaming inside how "normal" I wish they could know my sons are. It was a REALLY hard thing to sit though & I'm not anticipating the next time I need to do this again.

I've been in touch with our local DSA asking for any help they could give in helping me to be better prepared, educated & ready for when this very ugly meeting comes to play again. I guess I called at just the right time :) Most IEP meetings are happening now as they prepare for the new school year. I've had the privilege of being able to attend several workshops taught by a local attorney specializing in educational law for disabled children. She also happens to be a single mom to a very beautiful 17 year old Junior in HS with DS. She knows her stuff! The workshops have left me feeling ready for battle, but very overwhelmed by what lies in store for the future. She didn't shy away at all in regard to being brutally honest in regard to how our State (Ca) is dealing with budget cuts & the effects it's having on our children...even when technically, the cuts aren't supposed to have any effect on services given to our children. One of the things that's happening quite regularly right now at IEP meetings is parents being told that even though their child is meeting their goals on the IEP's the school feels the child would be better served in a "severely disabled class" setting. By moving the child back instead of forward the school/ district can now clam the child is not "fit" to receive the services to the extent as before because of their "disabilities". They save $...sadly...that's what it's come to. She also let us know that Ca. is in fact one of the worst States to raise a child with disabilities, no matter what that disability is.

Who can say..."I'm ready to move!!" :P

I'm already dealing with the fact that per my boys IEP they are supposed to be getting individual Speech Therapy 5x a week for 30 min. per day. They haven't had one session. I've talked to the teacher about this 4x now with always a reply of she's looking into it. My frustration level is rising. My boys LOVE being in the classroom with their peers (who by the way are all Autistic...a very different learning style all together) but I put them there to be able to have all the resources that I've come to accept I can't provide with out making huge sacrifices in my other children's lives. So now, with the help of the lovely attorney I've met, I'm strapping on my boxing gloves to fight the district for my sons right to have this service provided.

Will you pray for me as I climb this wall? I know it's only one of many I soon will stand in front of. I am ever so grateful however that this is only one small battle..Having my boys at all is a victory in my life. I'm learning to be a fighter :)

Levi......I ♥ u sweet boy. My heart longs for you more then you'll probably ever know.